Veggies

Today was one of those days. Today was the kind of day where I was extremely busy at work without any time to think about anything except the task at hand. Time flew by and I ended up working late. These are the days I love and hate. Love, because it means the day goes by quickly, and I love being busy and having fun at work. Hate, because it's a long drive home (long meaning more figuratively), with a lot of time to unwind and start thinking. A song came on the radio and a random line in the song made me think of my Mom. This was at the beginning of the drive home. Made me think about how much fun we had the Saturday before. We went home to Richmond, and had a great time one-on-one. We passed by a farm that was for sale, and my Mom mentioned how she'd always wanted to marry a farmer. My Mom loved to cook and would have had so much fun growing and cooking with her own fresh produce. We used to stop at the random stands along Midlothian Turnpike to get fresh produce every summer. She even grew her own herbs and tomato plants one summer. I told my Mom there was still time for her to meet her farmer, fall in love, and live on a farm. I wish that had been true. I miss her deeply. My mind started to wander to all of the friends who are having babies. I wish my Mom could have been here for when I have children. She would have had so much fun being a grandmother. I think to all the memories I have of my Mom and Grandmother, and wish my children could have those same memories. I won't be able to call my Mom for advice. This is the same for the upcoming wedding. It's hard to think of going through the "firsts" without my Mom around. She taught me to walk, read, write, ride a bike, drive a car, etc. It was always Mom and me. I know there are a lot of people who want to go through these "firsts" with me. The wedding. The children (not for a few years, but something I think about). I am grateful to have my family and friends and those that I care about. I wouldn't trade it for the world, and don't want anyone to think I'm not appreciative. I need all of you in my life. There's just not anyone that can take the place of my Mom. I've entertained the idea of moving back to Richmond in the years to come. Not any time soon. I feel so homesick. I think I'm chasing something that isn't there, though; or rather, someone that isn't there. Richmond is where I have the most memories of my Mom. I miss our house, her cooking, Rosie, etc. I think I want to move to Richmond because I think she'll be there. Waiting for me. I wonder if I shouldn't move back to Richmond, because then I will be looking for her up here. I think I will always be looking for her. I look for her when I go downstairs. I thought I saw her once, and jumped so high. Then I laughed at myself, because if it was my Mom, I shouldn't be scared. :) I believe she is still with me always. I've had dreams where I've talked to her. I like to believe it was my Mom. She says exactly what I need to hear. So anway, I know she's not physically here any more, and I'm taking one day at a time to accept it. I'm relieved that she is in a better place, and never got to the point of suffering with her illness. Selfishly, I wish she was still here; unselfishly, I thank God for bringing her to heaven where she can be her old self and watch over us. She was always looking out for me, and I know she will continue to do so. Love always.